Summer Lovin'

And by the title, I just mean...lovin' summer, although I can't deny a possible desire for some summer lovin' myself, by ANYWAYS...
I'm free at last, and man, does it feel good. I'm sure I've mentioned this is a previous post, but this past semester of college was by far the most difficult one yet. Taking 21 credits and working close to twenty hours a week AND having a social life was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. Not to mention spiritually as well. After that craziness, I decided it was a good idea to take a block of classes equaling 7 credits into three weeks. And actually, it was. When I get my license, I will be certified to teach preK-5 instead of to third only.
I'm so excited to be home. I don't have any homework hanging over my head or something to do so pressing i get knots in my stomach. I finally get to hang out with my friends without having to rush back to school and, as strange as this might sound, I'm excited to start working more. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing group of friends and family, I wouldn't want to spend my summer with anyone else. This past weekend, the sun was shining, the temperature was high and it finally felt like summer. Besides, this time next year, I will be a college graduate :) 
               

Blessed by Undeserved Grace

I am overwhelmed with amount of grace I've seen the Lord bless me with recently. I know I'm spoiled with grace daily and I don't even stop to recognize it, but over the past two days it has been blessing after undeserved blessing. Last night, a large storm swept through the Miami Valley and decided to drop it's worst directly in my neighborhood. I had taken our minivan to school so my little car was at home in the driveway. After the help of very dear people, we discovered four to five large cracks on my windshield and dents all over the car. I am extremely thankful for my older brother and his help last night. He drove with me, all the way home, helped me clean out the garage and move in my car to protect it from further damage. He has always been one of my heroes and the person I've looked up to the most and I am so blessed to now be his friend, as adults, as well as his sister. 
On my way back to school I called my dad to fill him in on the situation only to find out they had to take my mom to the ER for a detached retina in her right eye. By the goodness of God, he placed the exact right people in the right time and place to help my mom and do the procedure needed in the time frame in which she needed it done. While she's still not out of the woods and the prognosis of her vision is still yet to be "seen" (sorry for the pun) we are blessed to serve a loving and watchful God. 
And the blessings keep coming. My poor car only has liability coverage and we were certain we would be on our own to pay for the damages- money I did not have. A new camera and an upcoming vacation seemed to be vanishing in front of me as I thought about the possible quotes to fix Tessa. We contacted our insurance agent anyway and I'm grateful we did. My car has full coverage and we might be able to get the dents fixed as well. Thank the LORD for His blessings!
I am so undeserving of anything He has done for me. If they only thing Christ ever did was die for my sins on the cross, and left us alone, I would still have reasons to be thankful to Him and indebted to him my entire life. But He hasn't left us. He continues to be faithful and loving and merciful and I am forever grateful for Him in my life. 

Bin Ladan's Grace?

Okay, since everyone and their mother's cousin is talking about Osama Bin Ladan's death and what the Christian's response should be, I figured I'd take the time to write my reflection on the recent events.
First of all, I'll just say that I'm not the best at keeping up with news or even caring as much as I should. I do love our country but I won't be the first to be labeled as patriotic. As far as Osama Bin Ladan goes, he was an evil, wicked man who is responsible for the death of thousands of people.
Here's where the controversy and Christianity comes in. Osama Bin Ladan is a human marked by the curse and condemned by his sin. News flash- I am also a human marked by the curse and condemned but my sin, and so are you. My white lies and sinful thoughts would land me in hell just as quickly as Bin Ladan's mass murder attacks. But this is the difference, my friend. I have chosen grace and forgiveness by the blood of the Lamb- the death of Jesus Christ. I have acknowledged my sin and depravity and have chosen a life indebted to Christ because of his sacrifice for me. Whether Bin Ladan had the opportunity to hear the Gospel before his death, no one knows but if he did not recognize his sinful life and commit it to Christ, he is eternally separated from God in hell. There are many accounts in Scripture where God has destroyed the wicked, even take the Flood as an example. I cannot look at this situation much different. Bin Ladan chose his fate and chose his lifestyle- it wasn't forced upon him. And I'm sorry, but I cannot feel sorry for a man who slaughtered innocent people, specifically innocent Americans.
I take comfort and peace in the words of Scripture and the promise of protection of God. Psalm 37:28-29 says:

For the LORD loves the just 

   and will not forsake his faithful ones.

   Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed; 

   the offspring of the wicked will perish. 

²⁹ The righteous will inherit the land 

   and dwell in it forever.

Pride

I wish I could take credit for this, but this is a section from Beth Moore's Bible Study "Living Free". A good friend of mine and mentor gave me this book at a point where I just didn't know what to read anymore. This particular section stood out to me:

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.

I cheat you of your God-given destiny...

because you demand your own way.

I cheat you of contentment...

because you "deserve better than this".

I cheat you of knowledge...because you already know it all.

I cheat you of healing...because you're too full of me to forgive.

I cheat you of holiness...

because you refuse to admit when you're wrong.

I cheat you of genuine friendship...

because nobody's going to know the real you.

I cheat you of love...

because real romance demands sacrifice.

I cheat you of God's glory...

because I convince you to see your own.

My name is Pride. I am a cheater.

You like me because you thing I'm always looking out for you.

Untrue.

I'm looking to make a fool of you.

God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...

If you stick with me...

You'll never know. 

Focusing on Grace

I see the light at the end of a very long, treacherous tunnel. Two more days and I'm free...as long as I can get all my projects and paperwork done that is. This has been the most trying semester on me, physically, emotionally and, the most unfortunate and evident, spiritually. 

Ever since coming to college I've been feeling strained in my relationship with Christ. After having Christian education for 13+ years, hearing the same basic message over and over, I've almost felt numb. Not that I am not still amazed by the grace Christ gives us every day (hence the blog title), but the repetitiveness of it all has definitely had a toll on me spiritually. This past year has been the hardest for me. In May of 2010, my church of my entire life closed, leaving me without the church family I've grown up with, and the church building I practically lived in. While I wasn't mad at God or blame Him for anything, this was definitely a speed bump in my spiritual walk. I didn't want to go to church on Sundays because it was too weird, and sometimes, too painful. I guess I've never fully recovered. Throughout the summer, I attended a church close to home, often going by myself...but something was missing- my family.

In October, my parents and I started going to another church on a regular basis and we've been there ever since. I'm not in love with it, but it's the closest thing to home I've ever felt in another church. It doesn't have the ministries I'm looking for and I'm still just as much without the support as when I was church hopping. The people are friendly, but I really only see it as a temporary church. The question creeps to my mind very often "will I ever feel at home in a church again?" MY church closed a year ago. Every other church is someone else's. 

I felt this the most at Easter. Every once in a while I get "homesick" for the church I new and loved, but it has been almost a year. Over Easter weekend I couldn't help but think of the music we'd be singing or the festivities that would be happening back at my church. During the song service, we sang classic Easter hymns and I was choking back hot tears. Most of these songs I've only sung at one spot- my church. As I sang "He Arose" and other hymns, flashbacks of 20 years gone by continuously came to mind. 

Not feeling connected to a church has had more effect on my spiritual walk than I ever imagined. I'm struggling badly with continuously developing a relationship with God...and it's sad that sometimes I don't even notice. Just before Easter I realized that I hadn't spent time with God, through church, chapel, or daily devotions, in at least three weeks. My soul is dying of thirst and hunger, and yet I feel so unworthy and ashamed to approach the throne now. I was in chapel for a meeting the other day and just being in that room, where chapel happens daily and I usually hear the Word and talk with Christ, filled me with such an emotion of refreshment. No wonder I am so exhausted and worn out- my soul is dried up. 

A good friend and mentor of mine gave me a devotional book that I was doing for a while. I committed to doing it daily...for a while. Now I have not touched it in over a month. Like I said, I feel so ashamed and unworthy to go back now. I need community. Christian community. This summer, I need to get involved in a small group or house church. That's the problem- I have no Christian fellowship, spending time in the Word. I can't do it on my own. First of all, I need the strength and motivation of Christ. Secondly, I need the BODY of Christ. I'm one that needs the encouragement and accountability. 

I'm sorry if this post has been too personal or emotional. Part of me hesitates on even posting such personal feelings online, but I know I'm not the only one that struggles. And personally, I'd like to hear from those who have been there, or are there now. 

I'm focusing on the cross and daily grace.

Today, I chose grace...

Lois

Here I Go

This year, I was/am a target caller for the admissions department at my school. I call prospective students, promote the school and get a feel of if we are on their consideration list or not. It's not the best job I've had, but that's simply because I'm not really a phone person. I've enjoyed the job and really like the people I work with. Next year, I've been made a target calling supervisor. Among other responsibilities, this means I will become a students blogger for the school. Since this starts in the fall, I figured I start blogging now...just for me before I start blogging to prospective students, parents and alumni. I guess that's a little explanation for the blog. 


This weekend, obviously, was Easter weekend. My roommate and I left Thursday for my house and are going back sometime later tonight. As much as I'm very much ready to be finished with this semester, I know that once I go back to school, I only have a week before I'm home. It's been so nice to be home. This semester has been the more insane, chaotic, stressful thing I've ever done in my life. Every time I can get a break to come home, relax, or even work I take it and soak in every minute I can get. I don't know what I would do without my weekends home. 
It's so hard to be far away from everyone I love. Sure, I've made good friends at home and I'll really miss them when I graduate, but those are even few. My family and very best friends are home. My parents and I have become a lot closer while I've been at school and I work with the best friends I can imagine. That's why I love my weekends. I get to see my parents at home and church and I work on Saturdays. Even going to work is refreshing- just being back. Yeah, sometimes it's overwhelming, but working with such awesome people is worth waking up at 4:30 some Saturday mornings. 


I'm ready for this summer when I can work full time and get to see my friends more often. I'm even more ready to graduate and be home full time- not having to go back. Don't get me wrong, I love my school. I've been involved and I wouldn't change my mind if I had to do it again. It's just...I've enjoyed my time, but I'm ready for it to be over. 
There is so much more I could say- and I want to say. But for the first blog, I think I'll just leave it at that. I know it's not the most coherent or cohesive blog ever, but I guess that's just how my mind is working at this point. I'm a "journaler" by nature. I've been journaling since I was fourteen, but it still doesn't make me a good writer. Usually, my journals are very private and personal to me...so we'll see how blogging ends up working out. 


For now, God bless-
Lois